Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
