Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
