I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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