there's paper in my vomit.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No subtext here. People are naked.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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