why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
