Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
