You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
