She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize