I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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