More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
