I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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