I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
