Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize