we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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