You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
