just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
