Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need a beard to bite.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
