if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
