just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
