I cockslap morals
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
