I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
