You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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