The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize