I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
