Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
