She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize