I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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