I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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