i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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