she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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