Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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