I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
