Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All the doctor said was why
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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