god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
