Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
