You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
