My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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