The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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