The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
