I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
