i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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