I will die if light touches me.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
