So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize