Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drake has all the answers
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
