You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
