Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
