I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
