my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
