i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
