i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
