im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
