Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
