sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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