nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
