home. puking in laundry basket.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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