My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
