I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
