if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
