I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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