Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
