Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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