Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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