i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
