the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
