im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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